Last night I had the honor of being the guest on DJ Bedtyme's radio show on www.jamnow.com - he is Remy Ma's official DJ and a personal friend. In the studio was an amazing rapper Clap Cognac and his hot blonde manager, Gilat. You should check him out at www.myspace.com/clapcognac
We were in high hopes yesterday as we were waiting for the decision on Remy's appeal. I've said this before but Remy Ma is a good friend of mine. We met in Rikers and she was the only ONLY person to stand by my side while I was in jail. My mother and stepfather were there as well but they live in Cali so I had very little local support. Most everyone I knew in NY testified against me in secrecy and I was alone. Everyone I loved pretty much bailed when things got tough...and it broke my heart.
Even though she was a stranger, Remy was there. She would hear me crying and console me. She would hear me pacing and we would talk for hours through the hole in our cell walls. She truly has a heart of gold. I didn't know she was famous nor did I care. She was just a friend when I really needed one. And I am there for her now that she needs one. I write her, visit her and I will not leave her.
For those of you not familar with Remy's case, she was convicted of shooting her friend in May 2008. I am going to go on the record about her case - which I have yet to really do. This girl - not worth of mentioning her name- was not a friend. She was someone who saw what Remy the rapper had to offer and wanted to leech off of her. She barely knew Remy and was just a friend of a friend. She stole remy's purse after a club one night and they got into a fight. She was not killed, maimed and did NOT suffer any real wounds.
The girl did not immediately press charges. Instead she called Remy and demanded a couple million dollars. When Remy refused to pay-she pressed charges- 1 week later. The only other witness said repeatedly that he didn't see anything then changed his story (cha-chinnnng hear the sound of free money?). He was caught lying on the stand and called on it.
They went to trial and lost the case- convicted by an all-white jury. The judge did not allow them to use the defense of this being a theft and accidental shooting. why? Because Remy is a former member of terror-squad and "gangsta rapper". They wanted to make an example out of her - and they did. Despite audio of this girl trying to extort her- none of this was admissable in court. She was sentenced to 8 years - YES THATS 8 LONG YEARS for this crime.
I'm sure some of you are sitting there saying she deserved what she got. Its not our job to play judge and jury. She deserved a fair trial where her evidence and defense would be allowed. She couldn't even take the stand in her own defense- why? because she wasn't allowed to say it was an accident. So, what was miss "gansta rapper" supposed to say on the stand and in her defense?? She couldn't say anything because she was left no options for a defense.
We found out today her appeal was denied. I have been upset all day over it hoping that justice would prevail. And I still believe it will. I'm not giving up. Her fans will not give up. And her attorneys will not give up. We will take this as far as we need to, to get her out of prison. I am positive we will get her out and she will come back kicking, screaming and spittin' the sickest rhymes you've seen in a long time. FREE REMY
Next week I will be joining 2 good friends of mine on their radio shows - these are personal friends who I love and adore. Please check out their shows -they are amazing DJ's and awesome guys.
Monday from 10-12pm I will be on DJ Bedtyme's show -HATE MONEY RADIO. DJ Bedtyme is the originator of Hate and my good friend Remy Ma's personal DJ. He has a whole crew of people in the house including the gorgeous hip-hop honey Milani Rose, Charlemagne The God formerly of the Wendi Williams show and MOP-Mash Out Posse. www.jamnow.com
Wednesday I will be doing Internet Radio with DJ Chopps on www.daynnightradio.com - you can tune in and call in. Its internet so we can talk about EVERYTHING. And we will talk about whatever you want so call and listen. I will also be spinning live on his station since he is the man MAN who taught me to DJ.
I have spoken to a number of media outlets recently about the Craigslist murders and Julissa Brissman. I wanted to clarify some things.
First, Julissa did work for me. The media found this out because she had posted on my myspace page (which I deleted when I found out it was her but it was too late). She said "hey boss lady, I miss working for you". It was pretty much self-explanatory at that point. I have been interviewed on my relationship with her and have tried to point out the difference between bodyrub and escorting (which she didn't do) so that her parents would find some sort of solace in understanding their daughter. And that the media would STOP calling her a prostitute which I find hurtful and wrong. And because of my speaking out and going on the record, they have stopped using that word (for the most part). I have also been very careful in my words and left some things out as they would be disaparaging to her character and its no one else's business but my own.
I would never "out" any of my own girls and haven't yet to do so even through a good portion of them ratted me out in secrecy. I also wouldn't speak about them had it not already been brought to public light and would only do so in a positive manner. In terms of speaking for Julissa, I am not in anyway plugging my book nor do I care too. This is about a much bigger issue than that.
I am speaking out as her advocate. She doesn't have a voice so I'm trying to help her and other sex workers. The problem with these murders is that sex workers are "vunerable victims". They are doing something illegal and are therefore vunerable to being preyed upon. They are more scared of calling the cops when something bad happens because they fear they will get arrested than taking care of their own safety. And that is a societal problem. We place no value on the lives of sex workers.
This isn't called the oldest profession in the world for nothing. Its not going away unless you make some huge crackdowns on everyone - agencies, clients, girls, etc. Even then its a matter of time before it will be flourishing again. So, we are better off legalizing it. And putting in place some safety standards that protect these women rather than letting them fend for themselves.
There have been numerous murders and attacks stemming from craigslist. But craiglist is not the problem. It provides a hunting ground for stalkers which makes for thousands of potential victims. And there are many sites just like this. We cannot stop or monitor all of them - its just not feasible. What we can do is acknowledge the problem and try to put in measures to protect the safety of those searching -whether thats for a date, for a fetish (like the ABC reporter) or for erotic services.
So lets be clear about my motives. I am working on setting something up on my site so people can email a senator to lobby for legalization. This is prompted and in honor of Julissa. And I hope everyone realizes takes a stance and doesn't let this just be today's story until the next salacious tale comes along.
I am so happy they caught the craigslist murderer. I was sick all day yesterday upset over this tragedy.
I am shooting Inside Edition today to speak out about this. The real issue here is how easy it is for men like this to prey on women via craigslist or even eros-guide.com. Girls working independently are perfect prey since no one is looking after them. Thats why you use an agency- to protect your safety!
As a former agency owner, I thoroughly screened all my clients. If they did not provide proper identifying information, they didn't get an appointment. Its as simple as that. I monitored the girl's time while she was in an appt. She called when the client got there and the clock started. If she was even 5 minutes over time- I was calling her. If she was 20 minutes over I'd start to worry. At the 35 minute mark, I'd send someone to where she was at to check on her. Never in all my years of operating a business have I ever had any violence occur.
What happened to Julissa is heartbreaking and I pray that we start to see the big picture here. This industry isn't going away so we need to change our laws to protect the women who are working in it. In this bad economy, I'm sure there are even more people venturing into this industry to make ends meet- many of whom are new and inexperienced. They don't know how to screen or verify clients and probably don't know how to handle problematic ones. They are what my attorney calls a "vunerable victim". Because of what they are doing they probably won't call the police so they are the perfect choice to victimize. Haven't we had enough?
Friday, my friends over at Gerlado asked me to come on the show to discuss how my agency used craigslist and my views on the safety of posting in the Erotic Services section. When Geraldo called, I hadn't heard the story but agreed to go on the show Saturday to discuss my views on craigslist and how scary it can be for girls who work independently.
For those of you that haven't heard, there have been 2 murders and 1 viscious attack committed by a young white male in the Boston/Rhode Island area who is preying on sensual masseuses who advertise on craigslist.
Saturday I get up and figure that I should at least know something about the murders so I decide to google the story to get the 411. I immediately pulled up a Daily News article and the photo of the girl shocked me! Her name is Julissa Brissman and she used to work for me.
My heart just sank. I actually knew this girl very well. I met her a couple years ago when she was blonde and just coming back from spending some time in Cali (where I'm from). We instantly hit it off, she was sweet, pretty and experienced. I hired her for my bodyrub location and she was a great employee for a number of months. SHE NEVER ESCORTED. So anyone who is calling her a prostitute thats just wrong and hurtful. She was a sensual massuese and an absolute doll.
About 6 months into her employment, I started noticing she was having some issues. We had an episode where she drank a couple of bottles of champagne I had bought for some VIP clients and passed out during her shift. I had a sit-down with her where she cried on my shoulder and I tried to help her. She went into rehab and took some time off. She came back and was back to her normal vibrate, beautiful self. She fell off the wagon shortly thereafter and took some more time off. Myself and my manager kept in close contact with her - we did truly care for those who worked for us and we wanted Julissa to be ok.
She came to talk to me again and show me she was ready to work again. She had died her hair dark and looked healthy and happy. I was so happy for her. So I rehired her. She took a month off to travel right before I got arrested and came back to no job.
When I saw it was her in the Daily News story I felt horrible. I cried. I feel guilty, mad, sad and angry. If I hadn't been busted, this girl would still be alive. I provided a safe working environment.
Now my girls are forced to be independent. They aren't going to quit the business - they have financial goals and times are tough. So, now their lives are in jeopardy because there are very few agencies to work for and girls are more scared of getting busted then they are risking their lives.
What does this say about our society? We place no value on the lives of sex workers? GIVE ME A BREAK. This is the oldest profession in the world- its NOT going anywhere. So lets legalize it so we can provide some level of safety for the thousands of girls that work in this industry.
Are we really such an uptight country where human life is not valued because we have some preconceived notions of what a person is like because of what they do? We are not god and do not have the right to judge or condemn. And thats exactly what we have done. Someone like me gets arrested and now one of my girls is dead because there is no where safe to work. Lets get off our antiquated moral ethics and start convicting the real criminals like this guy who is murdering these women.
And Spitzer, this jackass, gets away with no punishment. He was the Governor for crying out loud, he was supposed to be held to the highest standard of moral ethics and yet he commits Federal wire transfer fraud, money laundering, soliciting prostitution and breaking the Mann act and we are like "oh well". Rather than being such a raging hypocrite, he should have looked out for these girls and done the right thing. Not that he knows what that is.
I am sickened by this and the loss of Julissa. She was only a bodyrub girl - never an escort so please don't get the wrong idea. She was a doll and now she is dead - and this all could have been avoided by not busting me or even by making a dent in the industry by busting all my clients who are also criminals and shedding some light on how widespread this industry and really making a difference. Or by legalizing it so that these girls are safe.
Here is a pic of her. For any of my girls who are reading this- she used the name Stacy. Say a prayer for her family.
This morning I did Sirius's radios Vinnie & Me show. I wasn't sure what to expect since Vinnie is an attorney and during the Spitzer scandal, ran Client 9 radio keeping the world up to date as events unfolded.
I arrived at the station and was immediately greeted by Roger Stone. For those of you that don't know him - YOU SHOULD. He is the whistleblower on Spitzer and a "political operative". I love that he is a political operative - its brings so many James Bond type of images to my mind. Roger is an absolute genius, well-worded, educated and super cool. I mean how could he not be He has a tattoo of Nixon on his back and hot dyed blonde hair? Its like he is so smart and confident- he doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
The show was great, the dialogue very interesting and I learned alot about Spitzer and his life of hypocrisy which started way before his use of hookers.
Anyhow, shot out to Roger for being so great- please check out his website www.stonezone.com - and perhaps we will be working some operative missions together!! The world should be afraid.
Yesterday I decided to go on a date. I recently met a guy, he seemed nice enough and he wanted to have dinner. Actually, he was pursuing me pretty strongly, lavishing me with compliments and sweet talk, asking to see me daily – so I decided to give him a chance. This was against my better judgment since I had an idea that he was not what he seemed.
In typical girl fashion, I asked him to come over by my house. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have gone to his place since it’s a hike and I didn’t care to go that badly. We ended up at a local Thai restaurant which I thought was a good spot for a first date. Upon arrival, he started with 20 questions as if I was on trial. He wanted to know about my past, my business, how I ran it, how I found my girls, etc etc. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. he then told me he didn't have the job he claimed to have and worked at a nightclub my ex works at. Then, he started asking me about my ex-boyfriend because he felt like he knew him. I drew my boundary in the sand and said “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this”. I say “sand” because in this instance I found I let my boundary move around a bit when I should have drawn it in spray paint on gravel surrounded by spikes. He kept right on railroading me to tell him who my ex is. I continued with “I don’t want to discuss this” and he kept right on interrogating me.
Then he started manipulating. He started naming names of people he thought it could be. 8th name in he said my ex’s name and I cringed. He caught the look on my face like a fisherman with a marlin on the end of the line. He kept right on reeling me in asking me if it was him, surprised it was him and then saying “if you don’t tell me if its him, I’m going to call him right now and ask him”. He even got out his phone to start dialing! Woah buddy…that’s MY boundary there that you are currently crossing!!!
So I caved. I most definitely did not want this guy calling my ex so I confirmed it was him. I know I know – I should have dumped his food on him for bullying me and left immediately. I am too nice for that- however, if I had to do over again I most definitely would do just that. He started in again – telling me ALL about my ex’s new girlfriend and how they do a lot of coke together. How he hangs out with them a couple of times a week but my ex is never sober and is an alcoholic, drug addict. Then he starts telling me more about him and her –at this point, you can clearly see I’m visibly upset but he kept right on going. He tells me stories about hanging with my ex, my ex and strippers and some lovely times they had while my ex was cheating on me.
Let me stop and take a moment to say this isn’t the first time I’ve heard rumors like this since we broke up. It’s funny who tells you what when they feel “free” to do so. I’ve heard similar stories and worse from some of my ex’s best friends, from his "boys" and from girls he dated before, after and during our relationship– and while I was in jail. So I guess this shouldn’t come as a shock to me but I still don't want to hear it!
Of course as this guy is telling me this I’m wanting desperately to leave. I’m thinking of ways to run from the table and maybe go to the bathroom and never come back. i'I'm wondering if its possible to fake sick and leave. Unfortunately, it’s a small restaurant and we were in front. At that point, I asked him if we could change the subject. We would but then he would go right back to it. Finally, I said I was tired and wanted to go home.
We walked back to my house where I tried to say goodbye but he had left his umbrella and jacket inside. He came in and sat down. He wanted to watch a movie. I think I was partly in shock and partly upset with myself since I knew I didn’t want to date him anyhow so I was cursing my lack of trusting my gut instinct. I mean really- aren’t first dates where you put your best foot forward? In the course of 2 hours, he had hurt my feelings, broken cardinal rule #1 by talking about my ex, trampled my personal boundaries, insulted and manipulated me.
I sat down and very honestly said, "I’d like you to leave". He looked shocked.I said I don’t feel comfortable or good about this after you railroaded me into talking about my ex and I’d like to go to sleep now. He told me I was being inhospitable and that he was in some strange area and it was rude to kick him out at 1am. I told him I was sorry he felt that way and I wasn’t trying to be rude but after talking about my ex for an hour – I just want to be left alone. He then said – what if I tell you if you kick me out then you will never hear from me again? I said – so be it! I called him a car service and stuck him in it. It did take me a good 30 minutes to get him off my couch because he kept persisting that he had never been kicked out of a girl’s house before and I was rude and making excuses because of my ex.
I cannot believe what a putz that guy was. I mean really - did he think that would make me like him? Maybe telling me all that he thought he would make himself look good and get laid? For the record- I'm not easy, I'm picky and there is no chance I'm screwing you on a first date - not even on the second. But still - that is definitely not behavior that would make me ever want to see him again.
I just think my jeroff detector was off that day. Actually it was working fine- I ignored it and will never do so again! I would have rather had dinner alone or with Ellliot Spitzer than that guy! And that says alot...
For those of you wanting to catch me live - tune in Thursday the 16th, I will be live on the Vinnie Show, Sirius 108/XM139. This should be a good interview since I will be live with Spitzer whistleblower Roger Stone. I'm quite excited about this one. Finally more of a chance to speak out about Spitzer's hypocricy.
Also, I will be hosting a party at Nikki Beach on Saturday the 18th. Join me at the Sexxy Mofo party at Nikki Beach in NYC. For those of you who can't make it, I'll be sure to take pics and post them.
For those of you who haven't read my book, you should.
If your wondering how it came about that Remy Ma did a song for me - its all in the book. I consider Remy to be one of my best friends and we share a bond very few people would ever begin to understand.
Remy and I met in Riker's Island. We just happened to meet through a hole in the wall between our cells. We had to sit on top of our tupperware containers (they give you these to hold your clothes) and roll up a piece of cardboard to hear each other. Alot of the time we would pass notes thru the hole. I used to pace daily - consider it exercise or consider it anxiety relief and she would always say "kris-stop pacing I can hear you in there-whats wrong". And then I would tell her and she would listen and try to console me. She was there for me when no one else was or could be. She was there when I was crying hysterically because my boyfriend would break up with me or cheat on me. She was there the times my first attorney screwed me over for court dates and lied to me about getting out. Everything I went thru-she was right there by my side.
And vice versa. When that bs happened about the key incident with her husband, I was there. When she was scheduled to get married, I was there with my borrowed item of blue. When she got sentenced to 8 years, I had court the same day and I was there right next to her.
Funny thing is - I didn't even know who "Remy Ma" was. I hadn't heard her music and didn't know she was famous- I only knew she was smart as hell and a good friend. She is now in Bedford Hills Prison and fighting for appeal. We will know more in the next month on this and I pray she makes appeal. She was screwed by the system but that is a story she needs to tell. And she will. Don't count her out because if anyone can make a comeback, its her.
Integrity is defined as possession of firm principles: the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles.
Despite the former business I was in, I did have integrity. I never forced my girls to do anything they didn't want to. I never made them have sex with anyone. I allowed them to set their own boundaries and control the pace of their own appointments. Meaning - if they didn't want to have sex with a client, they didn't have to as long as he was charmed and happy with their company. I never screwed anyone over for money, I helped my girl's out of evictions, obtain new apartments, get off drugs and paid for college tuitions. I loved them all and at the end of the day they all screwed me over. Well, most of them.
The people closest to me in my life testified against me in my "secret" grand jury indictment like a bunch of cowards. They couldn't even give me an anonymous head's up so I could protect myself. Everyone was in one this and I'm going to start posting some specifics on them and their wrongs pretty damn soon.
And the situation only got worse. When I was in jail I lost pretty much everything. I thought the few people left in my life had enough integrity and love for me to do the right thing. I cannot even tell you how wrong I was. They screwed me over every chance they got because they knew I was helpless to take care of myself.
I'm wondering where the integrity in this world has gone? Don't get me wrong, I choose those people and I know I made a huge mistake. I don't feel sorry for myself nor do I expect you to. Because I have such a big heart, I wore my rose colored glasses and saw the best in everyone despite who they really were.
I've since removed those glasses and see people for who they are. Which in itself can be scary because I have found few people have integrity. They lie, they cheat and they manipulate for their own selfish motives. I am now going through a lawsuit to try and rectify some of the wrongs that were done to me. And all I can say is that if those people operated with some integrity, some caring for someone other than themselves - they wouldn't be in this position now.
Its quite sad to wake up one day and realize everything you held to be a truth was a lie. The people you thought loved you just didn't. And even in the end they have the opportunity to right their wrongs but they don't. They are narcissistically selfish and their feelings are the only ones that matter. Someone I loved very much did some heinous things to me. In the end, this person only has themselves to blame and whatever the outcome is - they have to live with themselves and there are consequences to your actions. Even their own family was in on this plot and for that they should be ashamed.
Me- I'm happier now. And I'm happy justice is going to prevail. Its not personal anymore-its now business. I'd have to care for it to be personal and I don't. I've let the past go so I can have a happier future without bad people in my life.
My first 2 days in Riker's Island consisted of waiting for housing. I was not allowed to use the phone, shower, eat, drink water - anything that resembled being a human being was out of the question. These things were not offered to me and when I asked the offiicers in Intake for a phone or food I was ignored. Why you ask? As I've said before- thats why they call it jail. There is no luxury or normalcy in jail. Its just jail.
When I was finally moved into my housing unit, Closed Custody (CCH), reality began to set in. Here I was in this tiny 8x8 cell with no mirror, no running water, no human interaction of any kind- I had only my thoughts to contend with. And all I thought about was if I would have a life after this experience.
I know that might sound extreme. But, you have to realize that I'm sitting in jail with a $2 million dollar bail for promoting prostitution. There are people in there for robbery and armed assualt whose bail is $25,000. Hell, even my friend Remy Ma who was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon for a shooting, her bail was $250,000. All I could think of is that I'm in jail to keep me silent, because I know too much about some powerful people, and wonder when I would see daylight again. I knew my money had already been frozen and was afraid I would lose my apartment, my car and even my boyfriend.
Our day started at 5:30am when breakfast was served. Initially, breakfast would rotate between some sort of hot cereal to dry cereal. We had a slot in our steel door that the officers opened and put our food tray on. Don't even think about trying to sleep through breakfast. If you don't get up and take your tray, they pound on your door to wake you up to get it.
The first week this came as a shock to me. I was scared of everything. I jumped off my bed the first time that they knocked on my cell door and almost had a heart attack. Shortly thereafter I was put on anti-anxiety medication. I was having horrible panic attacks with shortness of breath, heart pain and wooziness. I tried to figure out how the system works.
I had to knock on my door to get the phone or shower since we weren't allowed to leave our cells. Sometimes I would be knocking for hours because the officers were watching TV and couldn't hear me or simply just didn't want to get off their chair. I didn't have any clean clothes or toiletries. I didn't have money on my books so I couldn't use the phone.
About my 4th day in, my then boyfriend put money on my books and I could use the phone. I still didn't understand how the phone works and was met mid-sentence with a dialtone and a heartbreaking message that says "You are over your allotted phone time". I had to ask 4 different officers before someone told me that you get 21 minutes of talk time every 5 hours. So I used the phone once in the morning and once in the evening.
In my housing unit, there was only 1 phone. Again, we were not allowed to leave our cells (thats why its called closed custody) and the phone was put thru the feeding slot for us to use. If someone was on it, then you had to wait. That really sucked sometimes because you might be 4th in line to use the phone which meant 1hr-20mins of waiting. And if your trying to time your calls so you can make 2 in a day you have to get that phone!
On my 5th day, I was able to get a visit. In Rikers you get 3 visits a week for 1 hour in length. People can bring you clothes and books - but thats it. And these clothes must be certain colors, fabrics, no logos, etc. Now, where I was - your visits are done in a private booth one by one. High profile inmates are not allowed in general population so your visits are private. While this was nice because you were in a room with your visitor, it was also horrible because there was only 1 booth. So if your fellow inmates had visitors, your visit would have to wait. On more than one occassion, I had to wait 3-4 hrs for my visit because the booth was occupied.
But back to my 5th day- I got a visit from my boyfriend at the time. He had told me he was coming and was also bringing some clean clothes. They announced I had a visitor at 8am. I thought- this is not my boyfriend. He does not get up that early! Luckily, I was smart enough to ask the officer to tell me who it was and it was a member of the press. I declined the visit (you are only allowed 1 visit remember) and waited for my boyfriend.
I was told I had a visit around 10am. CCH Inmates have to be escorted in the hallways by a captain. So, I waited 2 hours until a captain was free and they took me to the visiting room. I had to change out of my clothes into a dingy grey jumpsuit and orange flip-flops. I still hadn't seen myself in a mirror and could only imagine how much of a mess I looked. I was scared to see my boyfriend at that time.
When I entered the room we both started crying. He hugged me and we sat down with the table separating us. He told me I was all over the news and the horrible things the press had been saying about me. I wasn't allowed a newspaper so I was spared the gory details. He said there were reporters outside of his parents house trying to find him to get a statement. He had brought me some books and clean clothes.
I was a mess. It felt good to see him, to connect with a human being, to be touched. But it hurt to see him and to wonder if he was going to move on while I was in jail and if he would love me after the dust settled.
We had broken up a month before and only a couple weeks prior decided to work things out. We were still on shaky ground. He assured me that he would be there on every visit rain or shine and that we would have a life together when I got out - he would wait. I felt relieved but still scared. What if I had to do 2 years? Would he wait? Would I have anywhere to live when I got out? What would happen to me? I spent the entire visit crying and my hour was cut short by 10 minutes by officers who wanted the booth for someone else. I was distraught.
After your visit, you get strip searched before being taken back to your cell. These are always fun. You have to take off everything and stand there while an officer inspects you for contraband. First, you bend and squat to make sure you didn't hide anything in your private areas. Then, you take your hair down and show them the bottoms of your feet. Finally, you can get dressed and wait another 2 hours for a captain to come to take you back to your cell.
When I got back to my cell I cried some more. It felt like torture to see my boyfriend and watch him leave. I felt so insecure, scared and alone. My attorney assured me that I would get out soon. He said they had no case and to be patient. I had nothing to do but wait. 23 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The next day I decided to go to Recreation. Recreation is our 1 hour outside per day. For CCH inmates, this is done in a cell like a dog kennel - full fence on all sides so we are separate from one another. But at least we can get some fresh air and see each other. That day I met Remy Ma. I didn't know who she was, hadn't heard of her but we talked about our breakfast and how shitty Rikers was. We were both incarcerated on the same day so she was new like me.
It was nice to have a friend - I sure needed one because it quickly went from bad to worse.
If you haven't picked up the current issue of Penthouse, you should. I have quite lengthy (5 pages) article in there on my book. Yes, I'm the only clothed person in the magazine. You can find me on Page 112 stuck between naked girls (if I was a guy that would be heaven).
Thought I would share a bit about the Island, Rikers Island that is.
I was arrested a little over a year ago- March 25, 2008. I was sitting in my home with my then boyfriend trying to figure out if we should go to the gym or have dinner. There was a knock knock on the door and my boyfriend informed me that the police (12 of them) were outside the door with a battering ram. I was arrested, handcuffed and taken to the precinct.
I spent the night on a hard wood bench after throwing up repeatedly. At arraignment, the DA asked for $10 million dollars bail (same as Bernie Maddoff since we are SO in the same league). After a bit of negotiation, bail was set at $2 million dollars and I was taken into the "tombs" to be processed.
The tombs is the nickname for the holding facilities underneath 111 Centre Street (the main courthouse in NY). They call it the tombs because it feels alot like a masoleum. Its all cement, cold, some floors are underground - like a tomb. Plus, when your there - you just wish you were dead.
In the tombs, I was processed by Officer Suzuki. She insisted I was a tranny. I'm like woahhhhh - trannie? I know I photograph POORLY but still. She kept telling me it would be ok if I told her. She said it was the lack of movement in my forehead and my lips. Excuse me if I like botox and restalyne. After a few minutes she moved me into a general holding cell where I waiting with 3 other women who were trying to make bail. I called my attorney who said we would do our best to round up some money ($2 million was not even an option). And I waited for the bus to come and take me to Riker's Island.
The bus they take you on is horrible. They handcuff you to another inmate by the wrists and ankles. I was fortunate enough (detect note of sarcasm) to be handcuffed to a 5'11/210 pound African American Woman who was clearly high on crack since she was itching, scratching and very volatile. My little short legs could barely keep up with hers and she ended up dragging me around like a barbie doll.
But back to the bus, the bus is ancient with no heat or air. Its got bench seats which are largely uncomfortable and a few cages for the high profile inmates (which I became later). It has no shocks so with each bump you are smushed closer to your crack addict busmate making her really want to kill you.
When you arrive to the Island, you go into a central cell for processing. The area that you enter and exit from is called Intake and it is the most disgusting place you can imagine. There are 6-8 main cells that they throw 20 women in (there are only seats for about 10 of them). Since intake is a highly trafficked area they don't clean it much and its gross.
I was thrown into a cell with roughly 20 other women, 18 of which were going through some sort of withdrawal. They were on the floor throwing up in corners, having dry heaves, the sweats, convulsing- it was a very pleasant environment. There were a number of big dykes who really wanted a word with me as well. There is no running water in these cells so forget about getting something to drink. There is also one toilet in front of the entire cell (no doors) and its filled with food since the crackheads don't eat they just throw everything into the toilet. The toilet never gets cleaned and the food turns into maggots. Its quite a sight to see and even if you really have to pee you cannot drag yourself to urinate in this monstrocity of a toilet.
I arrived into my new home Wed at 4pm. I sat on this bench, freezing, scared, alone, until Thursday night when they made me take the mandatory shower and put on these paper clothes to be strip searched. They DID NOT feed me this entire time nor was I given any water. Why you ask? Because they treat you like animals and don't give a shit - you are not innocent until proven guilty - your in jail. So, I got my shower, drank the water out of this group shower thing, put on my paper clothes and got strip searched. I then waited to see the doctor which is mandatory. I told them I hadn't had any water and they gave me a pill cup where I was able to drink a little bit. Then, I had this lovely photo taken of me for my ID badge as well.
Around that time someone figured out I was on the cover of the Daily News and The Post. I was moved into my own cell where I still waited to be housed. Late Thursday night they took me to housing unit 1 - made me check in and then brought me right back to intake. See there is a rule in Rikers- you must be housed within 24 hours. So, they wanted to meet their deadline, so they took me to this unit, made me sign in and acted like they just then realized I was high profile and moved me back to intake as a transfer. I sat in intake until Friday about 2am (36 hrs) and was finally taken to Closed Custody Housing (CCH).
I was placed into a dirty cell - the floor was filled with dead bugs and debris from the prior tenant, no working water, no mirror (ok there was a 4inch x 4inch piece of scratched aluminum on the wall that posed as a mirror), no pillow or blanket - just a dirty mattress. By this time, my clothes were thoroughly disgusting and I smelled. I was locked in my cell which was about 8ft x 8ft - cement walls and a steel door. It had a toilet which was covered in sticky tape from girls sticking maxi pads on the cover and no running water. I curled up on the mattress, cried and went to sleep for about 2 hours.
The next day I woke up and knocked on my cell door for about 2 hours until someone finally came. I was given the phone and I made my first call to my then boyfriend. I didn't understand that I needed to put money on my account to be able to use the phone and we were cut off. It felt like torture. I had a brief connection to something I loved and the line went dead. I wanted to die. I cried and cried and cried.
Eventually I ate and showered. I had to knock on my cell wall for another 45 minutes until an officer came and led me to the shower. At least that was semi-private. It was in its own cell with a shower curtain. You get locked in and the officer sits outside while you shower. The only toiletry they give you in Rikers is soap. So at least I was clean.
I was eventually able to make calls once I got money put on my "books". And I could buy a few things as well - not that there is much to buy or any mirror anyways. That was my first 2 days on the island where I spent another 97 days but I'll leave those to another post...
I just caught the tail-end of an interview Elliott Spitzer was doing on the radio here in NY. After a bit of research I see that today seems to be a pivotal day in his attempt for a comeback as he is on The Today show as well as Matt Lauer.
I have so many things to say about this - especially since during his interviews he stressed family values and making ammends to his wife and daughters.
Mr Spitzer - I would like to ask you a few things....why aren't you making ammends to the people whose lives were ruined by doing business with you? Your family is only one of your many victims, what about the rest of us? The people like Barabesh of Big Apple Travel who you prosecuted yet you were frequenting businesses that were committing the same crime. Mark Brenner of Emporer's Club who is currently serving 2 years in a Federal Prison and has lost everything. Or myself, who spent 4 months in jail and lost everyone and everything I ever loved. Does your punishment seem fair in comparison? You lost your job and were publicly humilated - as were we all! What about serving some time, losing some money or at least coming clean about your sexual addictions and giving us some honest answers?
Why should we, the American people, listen to you? Because you have some brilliant business mind? If that holds true- than people should be listening to me, because I have one as well. Hell, elect me as Governor - at least I'm honest about who I am and what I've done! So again, why should we listen to you or even care what you have to say? You are a hypocrite and a liar. Have we all forgotten that this man used services NUMEROUS times while vehemently prosecuting? We gave this man the power to dictate laws and he abused it? Is this person worth giving another chance to?
I say no. We do not need people like him in any sort of position of power. Of economy was on the brink of the worst recession in decades and at the helm of our great state of NY was a duplicitious powermonger. He did not care about my family or his own - he only cared about his own needs which is not the type of person I would ever call a leader.
A leader is someone who puts the needs of others before their own. This calls for a higher level of moral ethics than the average man - this is why we care so much about our leader's personal lives. It takes alot for me to say this and go against someone whose money can buy them a get out of jail free card. But its the truth. Haven't we given enough of our power away to people who abuse it already?
Not sure how many of you reading this are felons but those of you who aren't - you have no idea how crappy it can be. I spent 4 months in jail. 4 very very very LONG months in solitary confinement in Riker's Island. That meant I was on 23 hr lockdown with no tv, no running water, nothing to do, no human interaction. Its enough to make a person go crazy and I'm still trying to rid myself of the nightmares I have over it.
Now, I'm on probation. Don't for one minute think probation is a walk in the park. Its not. I meet with my PO every other week - all of my finances are monitored and I must prove how I earn every penny I spend. I am not allowed to leave the state of NY without permission and I must explain everything I say in the media to make sure I'm not in risk of re-offending. I have to go to Sex Offenders counseling - yes promoting prostitution is a sex offense (I dont have to register). Counseling is done weekly and that honestly feels like its just to make sure I dont repeat my offense. I need counseling to get over my court ordered therapist.
Anyhow, being a felon is no joke. Your options are limited on employment and even though you have served your time- you are still treated like a criminal by probation. They aren't there to help you or uplift you, they are there to be your external warden - to keep you in the probation prison system for which I must serve a long 5 years. My favorite part is the urine test where the woman comes into the bathroom with me and watches me urinate. Anyone who knows me knows I dont do drugs and never have so its comical that I have to go through all of this. My attorney, Dan, did say think of this way- you shouldn't be embarrassed - thats her job, she should be embarrassed. I'll try to remember that the next time she watches me pee.